Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
