she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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