So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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