Christians are straight up FREAKS
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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