hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
