No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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