oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
