I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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