sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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