I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
