they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
