they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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