spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
