some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
