I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
