During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
