I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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