Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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