i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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