i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Holy shit dude........stairs
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
