mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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