??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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