barbara walters just said penis...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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