got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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