Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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