the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
bring money and cleavage
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize