that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
