We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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