I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize