I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
