I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
