I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
