wrigley field is MILF paradise
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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