When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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