omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
it's like heaven, but drunker
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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