I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
