Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
