I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
