she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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