Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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