Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
