I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize