I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize