I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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