I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
