i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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