im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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