and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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