grandma shit on top of the toilet
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
