Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
