i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
he's gonorrhea incarnate
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
