This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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