we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
