so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
