We're like a lot better than the average bears
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
