maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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