I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize