Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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