I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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