I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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