I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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