How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
