dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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