Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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