Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
