Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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